Queers Who Cover: Finding Pride and Healing as a Queer, Disabled Quaker

By Dr. Laura McGuire

I have always loved God. Yes, at times, I couldn’t stand to be around organized religion. And yes, at times, I even wanted to embrace Agnosticism or Atheism, simply because of the pain I felt from having religion weaponized against me. But even still, I could not escape the joy and validity of my relationship with the divine. As I have made peace with my queerness, I have also begun to re-embrace those aspects of religion and the church that I have long missed. I sincerely enjoy the fellowship that comes along with a congregation. I love learning about theology and interfaith dialogue and, through these studies, have come to recognize that the way I view relationships and spiritual discipline continues to align with most aspects of Judeo-Christian religious frameworks. For a long time, I felt that blending my progressive, inclusive, sex-positive values with religion would be an impossible task. However, as time has passed, I have met more and more people who have found a beautiful oasis at the intersection of these two belief systems.

While on this journey, I started to explore Chassidic Judaism and the Kabbalistic beliefs around head covering. Since I was a child, I longed to cover the way Muslim women did—yearning to be closer to God in that way—as I thought Islam was the only faith with this practice. In high school, I considered joining a convent and purposefully only interviewed with orders where members wore a veil. In my studies with the Chabad (a branch of Chassidic Judaism), I learned that they, too, cover their hair in scarves and caps to be closer to God. In fact, many religions have practices in which all genders cover—from Sikhs, to Mennonites, to Pagans, and Hindus.

I ultimately made the decision to start covering last year. I have never felt closer to God and my mental and emotional health have improved in very real and tangible ways. To feel further empowered in my choice, I started following other women who cover on social media (although I am non-binary, I choose to use a traditionally female head covering). Instead of feeling a sense of community, however, I found myself feeling very isolated from these women, as most were very socially and politically conservative. Then, one day while searching Instagram, I stumbled upon the account of Bailey Gammon, a young Christian woman who posted about her head-covering journey. As I looked at her page, I realized that she not only covers and is a Christian (both rare in their own right), but that she’s a lesbian as well! I truly thought I was the only person on Earth who identified with all three of these identities. I immediately reached out to her to connect. Gammon, who is now my friend on Instagram, agreed to sit down with me to discuss her journey to finding pride in her identity as a disabled, lesbian, and Quaker.

Laura McGuire: Tell me a bit about your personal story as it relates to your queer identity and spirituality.

Bailey Gammon: Growing up, I felt so out of place in the Christian church, as everyone there told me that I didn’t belong because I’m gay. One older lady even told me that I was disabled because God was punishing me for being “lustful towards women.” For years, I was depressed, lonely, and, honestly, I hated God and religion. I felt like it was my fault that I’m gay, and it was something I needed to change, no matter how much I felt like I couldn’t change it.

Thankfully, that dark time is far behind me, and I’ve found a group of people who are 100 percent accepting of all of me. I hold no grudges towards the church, and I’m just living my best life.

How did your religious upbringing impact your coming out process?

I came out before I even knew what coming out meant. I remember in third grade, I was telling my friends about these feelings I’d been having for one of my female classmates, and their responses were very rude and unaccepting because it was against their religious beliefs. So, I hid my sexuality for a very long time. It wasn’t until last year that I fully came out as gay and with pride.

How has your faith helped you find peace and joy in being queer?

After converting to Quakerism, I was connected with people who showed me nothing but love and acceptance, regardless of my sexuality.

Many queer people leave organized religion and religious practices because of painful past experiences. How have you found a path forward in retaining both?

Growing up, I really only believed what my parents believed or told me to believe. I felt extremely uncomfortable and lost during church services and felt like I was out of place. It wasn’t until I started questioning what I had believed my entire life and started doing my own research that I finally found peace in being both queer and religious.

Talk to me about head covering. I thought I was the only queer person of faith who was called to cover! Meeting you online was mind blowing for me. What does head covering mean to you?

Head covering serves as a reminder to me to keep God in every aspect of my life. It is a reminder of how I portray myself and a way to ensure that the image that I’m portraying accurately shows the love of God through me. It’s also an outward symbol of my faith. I want people to look at me and understand that God is the most important thing in my life.

I hear you recently got engaged. Congrats! What was it like trying to find a queer partner who accepted your faith and practices?

I was extremely lucky to find my fiancée, Dagny! In the past, I went on a few dates with women who believed in God but weren’t necessarily super into religion. Or, they were complete Atheists and wanted nothing to do with any sort of religion. When I met Dagny, I almost immediately brought up my faith and asked her several questions about hers. Thankfully, she identifies as Christian and is active in her church. In hindsight, all of the questions I bombarded her with probably came off as really intense, but she stuck around anyway. She has been an amazing supporter of my faith. One of the best things about our relationship is that we often have discussions about different religious topics, which I find to be cathartic and intriguing, and that’s something I could never share with any of my partners before.

I find that every other head-covering website/individual I follow is very conservative and definitely not LGBTQ friendly. How has fitting into both the queer community (as a person who covers) and the covered community (as a queer person) been for you?

I’ve received many different responses to my decision to start covering as a member of the LGBTQ+ community. My family and the Quaker community have been very supportive of this decision, but a few of my LGBTQ+ friends weren’t because their belief is that all religious groups don’t accept us. But at the end of the day, I don’t cover for them, I cover for myself and God.

How can the queer community become more inclusive of folks who are religious/spiritual?

I think it starts with healing the hurt that they’ve gone through due to their experiences with the church—understanding that religion does not equal intolerance, and that everyone’s beliefs are different.

Any final thoughts to share with our readers?

I hope that everyone stays safe during this time and makes sure to be kind always! My Instagram is @baileyygammon. Feel free to message me any time! I don’t bite, I promise.