I try and live my life by choice. My first HIV test, however, was in reaction—reaction to a love story and a partner I thought I knew. Once upon a time, in a gay land far away… I vividly remember the day I met my ex-boyfriend. Like so many of my friends, Grindr was how I found “connection.” I opened the app and, in the endless scroll of faces and torsos, I’d find someone who would quench whatever thirst I had that…
Greetings queerios, allies, and friends! In this special edition of Asking For A Friend, I’m going to take you on my personal tour of dating apps. I frequently get asked which dating apps or sites I recommend and, to be honest, I don’t often know which ones are the most “in” at the moment. But, as a relationship expert, sexologist, and a single-and-ready-to-mingle woman, I decided to dive in and share my digital dating experiences. Full disclosure before we begin: these…
The boycotts we engage in largely serve to elevate our own egos, as people think, “Look at the good I’m doing in the world by rejecting the hate chicken.” Plus, it’s not that hard to choose another fast-food restaurant off a U.S. Interstate where they dot feeder roads like weeds. But it’s almost unthinkable for liberals to picket Apple—especially when they have a magnificent pro-LGBTQ record. To add another dimension, we mostly boycott companies that only negatively affect the domestic…
In her classic interdisciplinary manifesto Borderlands/La Frontera, Chicana lesbian writer Gloria Anzaldúa explores homophobia as "fear of going home." Especially for LGBTQ folks of color and those straddling different cultural worlds, she writes, "We're afraid of being abandoned by the mother, the culture, la Raza, for being unacceptable, faulty, damaged." For many trans folks who leave the South to transition or to find community, this fear of rejection by our communities of origin is all too real. Yet, before drag…
The door slides open, and I hop down the steps and onto the street. The school bus drops me and a few other kids off at the entry to our neighborhood. The cement feels soft beneath my new Sketchers. Mother bought them for me last weekend. After pay day, she took me to the Payless and let me pick out a new pair. She said my last ones needed to be replaced because they had gone to hell. The other…
I am an unapologetic queer indigenous femme woman, activist, artist, and educator with hair on my legs and under my armpits. I currently live in a place called Texas where I bear witness to police killings, klan/neo-nazi rallies, confederate flags, and trump propaganda—essentially white supremacy wrapped in the violently-appropriated indigenous Mexican aesthetic of the “cowboy.” Today, the u.s. South yells the same war cry that my ancestors have heard over and over again—a proud declaration of settler colonialism. …
The Transgender Day of Remembrance (TDOR) on November 20 was created to honor the memories of those who have lost their lives due to violence based on gender identity. This year, Houston community members will come together to not only honor this significant day, but to show pride and respect for the trans women of color who started the LGBTQ rights movement. To mark the TDOR, Transform Houston—a grassroots campaign dedicated to improving the lives and legal protections for transgender,…
I am a 37-year-old gay man from Alabama. I was raised in a predominately white upper middle-class neighborhood just "over the mountain" from Birmingham, and now own a home in city proper. I live with my partner of over 13 years. We have two cats, Uly and Sergeant, and our pit-mutt, Khaleesi. I am a veteran of The United States Marine Corps, serving eight years during “Don't Ask Don't Tell” from 2000 until 2008. During my career in the Marines,…
Mixologist Jojo Martinez is raising the bar—both behind and beyond it. The San Antonio native turned Houston transplant is the founder of J. Martini Services, a full-service bartending company for weddings, parties, and special events (many of which give back to the LGBTQ community). But owning your own business doesn’t come easy—Martinez says copious amounts of hard work and sacrifice are behind her success.…
I’m not an angry person, but I am angry about injustice. I’ve come to terms with that anger though, because if we’re not angry about injustice, we’re not properly doing our jobs as activists. I’m also aware that not everyone is an activist, nor do they have to be. But when members of the LGBTQIA+ community begin to inhibit the progress of equality and equity for others within our community, it’s infuriating.…
