By Ainsley Lawrence
Being queer in the South can often be a lonely experience, but when you’re queer and a single parent, you might think it’s next to impossible to “fit in.” While your top priority is likely your kids, that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to find a supportive community and to feel like you’re a part of something greater.
As the old saying goes, “It takes a village to raise a child.” It also takes a village to stay sane while you’re raising one on your own. Finding a vibrant community that welcomes you can be an important key to chasing happiness in the South.
Let’s uncover some ideas on how you can make friends, build relationships, and establish a social safety net as a queer single parent—and why it’s beneficial to do so.
Deepening Your Existing Relationships
Whether you’ve recently gone through a divorce, separation, or other issues, life happens, and it can cause you to feel disconnected from friends. You might even see your friend group on social media and get the feeling that everyone is hanging out without you. No matter the situation, it’s almost always worth it to reach out to your existing connections and try to foster closer relationships. It’s an easy way to build better connections quickly and find comfort in your queer community.
If you’re not sure how to reach out to old friends—especially if it’s been a while since you’ve been in touch—consider sending them a text or a message through social media. Something small to break the ice can go a long way, and it’s more likely to lead to a natural, organic conversation. As you start to reconnect and rekindle your friendship, you can also start spending more time together in person.
The key to deepening your existing relationships is communication. You have to be willing to be open, honest, and vulnerable with the people you want close to you—or they’ll likely close themselves off. While it’s not always easy to open up, especially if you’ve been dealing with a separation or other challenges, it’s an important action for real, authentic relationships that go deeper than the surface.
Finding Local Queer-friendly Spaces
It’s not always easy to find a queer community you can turn to, especially when you’re new to an area. If you just moved, especially after a separation from your partner, finding that support system as quickly as possible is essential for your wellbeing.
Check out queer-friendly spaces in your new community to achieve a sense of belonging quickly. After-school programs, LGBTQIA+ centers, queer-friendly volunteer groups, and advocacy groups are all great ways to immerse yourself in the community and find people who can help and support you right away. If you’re struggling to find a place to live on one income, surrounding yourself with members of the queer community can offer you support through the single-life moving process.
Connecting with the right people can even help you handle some of the struggles often associated with being on your own as a single parent, like budgeting. Depending on the spaces you get involved in, you might be able to “network” your way into a side hustle, like:
- Ridesharing
- Tutoring
- Transcription
- Dog-walking
- Selling stock photos
While it can be a little intimidating to join groups or go to new places by yourself, it’s often the best way to meet like-minded people and get support quickly. Do a little research to find queer-friendly locations in your area, and be willing to step outside of your comfort zone.
Utilizing Online Groups and Social Networks
One of the easiest ways to meet new people quickly is by looking online. Whether you’re new to the area or just open to making new friends, utilizing online groups and social networks can help you feel comfortable and confident as you reach out.
The great thing about social media and digital groups is that you can find support from people all over the world. If you’re struggling to find your community locally, going online and talking to others who might be going through similar struggles can be a big help. Consider following a few popular LGBTQIA+ families and queer-friendly pages on Instagram, like:
- @kordalenkaleb
- @therealmelroy
- @eandjayspop
- @qtfriendshtx
- @wvgaydad
Not only can these influencers boost your mood and let you know you’re not alone, but you may have a lot in common with their followers. Don’t be afraid to start discussions in comment sections, or send a DM to someone whose comment you enjoyed. LGBTQIA+ parents on social media may have groups specific to your location that you can search for as well.
There are multiple groups on Facebook and other platforms that are also easy to find with a quick search. Feeling like you’re a part of something bigger, even if it’s solely online, can make a big difference to your mental health, and can make you feel like you have someone in your corner when moments of parenthood start to feel overwhelming.
Parenting Groups and Meetups
Even if it sometimes feels like you’re on your own as a single queer parent, that’s rarely ever the case. Chances are, there are multiple queer parenting groups in your community—you just have to look for them.
Parenting groups are wonderful resources for both straight and queer parents. By seeking out groups and meetups that are specifically catered to queer parents, you’ll end up meeting people you can connect with more easily. You likely won’t have to look far to find at least one other parent dealing with similar circumstances.
Parenting groups aren’t just a great way to meet new people. You can also learn a lot from other parents. For example, if someone else is going through a separation, open your mind up to what you can learn from them. Take note of how they are handling it well—or areas in which they are struggling. They can also give you hope that there’s happiness on the other side of all these challenges.
If you can’t find any local groups, or you don’t see any opportunities for single queer parents to get together, consider taking the initiative and starting a group of your own. It’s easier than ever to do thanks to social media. You can either start a small organization for queer parents or simply invite a few friends together for dinner, a playdate, or a night away from the kids.
Starting a small group or organizing events are fantastic ways to let other single parents know there’s a community waiting for them. You never know who might be dealing with some of the same issues, and your group could be the answer they’ve been looking for when it comes to finding support.
Sometimes, the South gets a negative reputation for not being inclusive to the queer community. However, there are plenty of people and communities willing to welcome you with open arms, you just have to know where to look. Keep these ideas in mind to find your community. Once you do, you’ll be able to find your strength as a single parent, and know that you’re never alone when you have a support system of people who understand you by your side.
