By Jayce Tyler
While there are many cute LGBTQ couples in the world, not many can compare with #TheKamahAndKelseyShow. That hashtag has come to summarize the relationship of Kamah Asha Wilson and Kelsey Reynolds, two Houston transplants who found their forever love in one another. When I first met Wilson and Reynolds, I was still discovering myself and my identity, and seeing them thrive within the LGBTQ community as a couple both inspired me and gave me hope for my own romantic future.
Both hailing from Louisiana—Reynolds from Baton Rouge and Wilson from the “Jambalaya Capital of the World,” a town called Gonzales about 20 minutes from Baton Rouge—Kelsey and Asha met in college during their undergraduate studies. I was honored to have the opportunity to talk to the pair about how they met, how their love and identities have evolved over the years, and their hopes for the future.
Jayce Tyler: How did you two meet, and what was your relationship like at first? How has it evolved since then?
Wilson: I always said that “I wanted to meet the love of my life in church.” Well, it still happened that way. [We met in class during our undergraduate studies in social work.] Social work is a ministry in itself, and the place where you learn to live the calling is a church of sorts. And there Kelsey was, a stranger…trying to steal my new best friend in the next pew over. In my opinion, Kelsey talked too much, laughed too loudly, and was way too casual for my tastes in classroom decorum. And, even more annoying, they would talk to my friend, but not to me. They were a rude friend stealer. But then, one day after months of sitting beside each other in silence, I was really cold in class and Kelsey overheard. They put their really, really warm hands on my arms to warm me up. It was so sweet. I was a stranger to them. We had never spoken a word to each other, but they cared enough to…in the words of Mary Lambert, “keep me warm.” We didn’t speak again for a long time, but now they’d caught my eye. They’d become a little less annoying, more charming, and totally cute…and I wanted to be their friend. Still, we wouldn’t speak to each other again until the very last day of class before summer break. A gaggle of us went to a café to celebrate and we finally had our first conversation and traded numbers. A whole summer went by. The first day of fall semester, I noticed we had economics class together. I was sitting some rows behind them, and when I saw them from behind, my heart started racing with excitement. I had no idea why. The next day, they were waiting for class napping on a bench. I leaned over, tapped them to wake them up and said, “Hey! Come with me!” They followed me outside to a courtyard garden to hang out and wait for class to start. And so it began. Day after day, we fell in love in that garden, often skipping economics, but hey, D is for degree. From best friends, to lovers, we watched the seasons pass in that grass. It’s where we also had our first kiss. I was able to be the most open and honest with Kelsey from the start. We were just friends. There wasn’t this performative pressure. I was just me. I was free. Then, suddenly, I was falling in love. How could you not with Kelsey? It was so effortless. Everything with us was serendipitous. It was one long conversation. Even when we’re angry, there hasn’t been a day since August 28, 2013, that we have not spoken to or texted one another. I can share the depths of my heart with Kelsey—my joy, my passion, my faith, my interests. I was wanted. Kelsey saw me like no one else did, or had even ever tried to. They were just a bubble of laughter, full of puns, always making me laugh. We were so similar and so different, and that made life more interesting. Discovering aspects of Kelsey was like an adventure. They are so full of dynamic color. I couldn’t help falling in love.
Reynolds: We’re coming to realize that having the majority of your relationship revolve around higher academia isn’t the same as having your relationship revolve around having adult jobs. We’ve grown a lot as people and set different goals because we’re grown now.
Also, over the course of our relationship, I came out as non-binary (NB). Coming out as NB to Asha was difficult, not only on my end, but for her as well. It really made us think about ourselves as individuals, as a couple, and where we wanted to go from here. She was just starting grad school and I was in my last year. There was a lot of emotion involved, as there is with anything. She’s the love of my life and all I ever want to do is make sure she’s happy and fulfilled in whatever she’s doing. I never want to be someone that’s going to bring her sadness, and if being with someone who is non-binary wasn’t what she wanted, I wanted to know. Obviously that didn’t happen, and I am forever grateful to this woman who loves me for me. The minute she started using my pronouns correctly, I knew we were going to make it.
What is your favorite thing about being with one another?
Reynolds: My favorite thing about being with Asha is how in sync we are with one another. It’s like we’re connected by a thread of intimacy that’s difficult for others to understand.
Wilson: My favorite thing about being with Kelsey is that we know each other so well. We are always in sync. Our physical mannerisms mirror each other, we often say the same thing at the same time, and we don’t have to speak to know what the other is thinking or about to say. We flow. It’s almost scary. And I love that we challenge each other. We are both our own person. To do life together as two independent people means that there are sometimes competing interests, desires, goals, etc., and often, conflicting habits, processes, thoughts, and opinions. It only brings us closer somehow. It’s such an adventure learning how to navigate that. But we learn one another, serve each other, grow in patience, fervent in prayer, are conscious of gratitude, and are intentional about speaking each other’s language. For me, loving someone means praying for someone. So as I pray for Kelsey, it draws me nearer to God because I’m constantly back and forth with Him about how to love Kelsey well.
-Kamah Asha Wilson (r)
How did it feel to get engaged?
Wilson: Um, wow. First of all, Kelsey prepared the most epic, dreamiest, most perfect engagement of all time. Hallmark Christmas movies have nothing on our double engagement. It was a scavenger hunt that took me to all of our favorite places around our college town. We ended in the garden where we fell in love, surrounded by friends and rose petals. It was so intimate. It’s an indescribable feeling to be loved so much and to be publicly supported by community. I had no idea it was being live streamed either! Saying yes felt like saying “I do.” Being engaged is all about intention. Intention is followed by a decision on your wedding day. You make that same choice every day in marriage. Well, I felt like I was marrying Kelsey right then and there because my decision had already been made. I make the conscious choice to choose Kelsey, and to choose us, daily. So getting engaged felt like I was just communicating that to the world. It felt like we were just getting everyone else on the same page as us: No, this isn’t some “gay phase.” No, we’re not just dating. We are in this for life. People better take us seriously and get on board, because the train is leaving the station. I’m so excited to officially be married through a ceremony as a sacrament and a rite…because it is our right! We are uniting ourselves through a new last name so we are so excited to announce that to the world!
Reynolds: It felt like it was finally time and so right. To be honest, it felt like a movie. It couldn’t have been more perfect. I had been planning the scavenger hunt for a year with the help of my best friends. I was just glad the day finally happened and how perfectly it all went.
Did you have any influential LGBTQ couples in your lives growing up?
Reynolds: Honestly, I think it matters that you have influential couples, queer or not, in your life—simply because they’re really hard to come by these days. So, for me, the most influential couple I have in my life is my Aunt Megan and Uncle Tommy. The way they love each other is beyond words at times. It’s absolutely beautiful. They love each other through their love languages, and it shows.
Wilson: Growing up, I didn’t see many couples like me. In fact, the way couples modeled relationships and marriage as a sexist dynamic where the wife was subservient and secondary turned me off to marriage at a young age. I told my parents I didn’t want to be married and relationships were not a priority for me. But then I saw my Uncle Mike’s relationship with my Aunt Cassandra and I thought…that is how it’s supposed to be. I wanted that. I observed everything they did and how they were together and I thought, “I deserve that.” I didn’t see other LGBTQ couples other than my friends until I came to Houston. I was amazed that married queer couples existed, that it wasn’t a foreign concept, and that it didn’t just exist in books and on TV. Now that I’m surrounded by LGBTQ friends who are married, I’m definitely taking notes.
Reynolds: I went to private religious schools from elementary to high school. I didn’t realize my sexuality until 2011, and then it was a year-long process of accepting myself. I slowly started coming into myself. College happened, Kamah and I met, we graduated, I went off to grad school while she stayed behind and took a gap year before starting the following year. Long distance was no easy feat, but we made it through. We figured out how to live with one another again while adjusting to the growth we’d both experienced while apart. I came out as non-binary, there was more adjusting and growing together and individually. And here we are now. Both finished with graduate school and starting our careers.
Wilson: My world revolved around church, marching band, wind symphony, pageants, and my huge family, whose members all lived on one big road. My coming out was a long process. In retrospect, my first crush was in sixth or seventh grade, but I thought she was just my best friend. Internalized homophobia and fear of losing God’s love blocked me from my own truth, but I finally came out to myself my sophomore year of high school, and my friends my junior year—to which they responded, “We been knew…we were just waiting for you.” They gave me courage to at least live a double life, gay here and straight there, as I experienced my first relationship. I started college out of state in California where I didn’t have to come out. I could just introduce myself as who I truly was and all my intersections were accepted on my campus. Settling into my own skin was intoxicating, which is why it was the most damaging thing to run back into the closet when I moved home to Louisiana. I tried to pray the gay away and even prayed about going to ministry school so God could heal me. I was trying to accept that I would remain single, and adopt children on my own, and that I would embrace singleness as a calling. And then came Kelsey.
Do you mind sharing one of your favorite moments from your relationship?
Reynolds: Honestly, we’ve had so many good ones, but the first one that comes to mind is when she thought the sound doves make was the same as owls. She’s probably the zaniest person I know.
Wilson: One of my favorite memories was when Kelsey and I were driving from Louisiana to Miami, Florida, and it was just so relaxing to be on the road together. We were jamming to music at the top of our lungs, which has turned into an inside joke, and having deep thoughtful conversations that could have gone on forever. It took synergistic teamwork to get there. And our banter back and forth was just hilarious. If there was traffic, at least we were together.
Do you have any relationship advice or tips for others?
Reynolds: Communicate. Listen to what each other is really saying. Love each other through their love languages. It makes all the difference in the world.
Wilson: Learn each other’s love language, apology language, conflict style, and strengths. Speak that language especially if it is not your primary one. Focus on those strengths and realize that every strength comes with an area of growth. Be each other’s cheerleader. Don’t compare yourselves to each other. Healthy competition is great, and every person has their own strengths, but feeling inferior to your significant other will trap you into bitterness and resentment. If you have the same niche, realize that you both matter and both offer amazing things, just differently.
Kelsey Reynolds is nominated for Pride Houston’s 2020 Gender Non-Binary Grand Marshal. You can cast your vote for Kelsey at pridehouston.org/participate/grand-marshals/grand-marshal-voting.
