Chain Mail, Plate, and Swords: A Tongue-in-cheek Look at Fencing and Being Trans

Posted on November 18, 2020

"I should clarify that one ought not really joust with real weapons in Walmart, as security tends to have longbows and, well, we all know how the battle of Agincourt turned out." -Anna Burns

By Anna Burns

For myself and many trans people, figuring out how we wish to present can be very vexing. Luckily, there is a one-size-fits-all approach to gender expression: steel. Where the broad spectrums of gender and sexuality come into play, however, is in what type of armor one wishes to wear. The foul TERFs may say that there are only two genders: chain mail, and plate armor. This is, of course, rank madness! What about the wonderful world of combination chain-and-plate? Not all plate is a garniture set. And who are we to leave out lamellar?

Armor is also the ultimate way to make a statement. Why use your words when you can simply walk around wearing 50 pounds of shining steel? Need to break up with a soon-to-be ex? Easy because they can’t see you cry behind your stylish sugarloaf helm. Also, as an added bonus, if you are wearing plate, those long, smooth surfaces provide plenty of room to stick kitchen magnets or stickers, or, if you’re feeling high energy (dear lord, how? We are in the middle of a pandemic, please tell me your secrets), you could even make or commission a tabard or surcoat to proudly display your colors. Pride flags make great cloaks.

And for trans people, there is an added bonus—in full plate, the only way for others to gender you is to look at any pronoun stickers you wear! To the someone who misgenders the person with the battleaxe. Male? Female? Genderfluid? Bigender? No, only the crashing of steel on steel!

“But wait, Anna!” I hear the comments sing. “What about if I simply wish to pop over to Walmart to pick something up and I’m not feeling up to summoning my squire to help me put all of this heavy stuff on?” Don’t worry, I have something for you, too: landsknecht clothing. Is it that comfortable? No! Is it fashionable? God no! Will it make you stand out like the beacons of Gondor for all to see? Aye, that it does! Not only that, but as an added bonus, you will be light enough for your squire to push you around in a shopping cart. Plus, it’s perfect to practice your jousting skills in (I suspect, at this point, I should clarify that one ought not really joust with real weapons in Walmart, as security tends to have longbows and, well, we all know how the battle of Agincourt turned out).

Once you have decided on your own personal fashion—I highly recommend being goth, gothic plate that is, though my own personal favorite is Greenwich armor—a key thing to remember is to stay hydrated. If you pass out walking to your 9:00 a.m. political science class because you stayed up all night drinking mead and dueling and don’t have the energy to walk to class in heavy steel, then you have no one to blame but yourself. Thus, drink tons of water.

Additionally, what outfit is complete without accessories? The fashion of the high middle ages is no different. I personally like to go with a nice longsword (sometimes called a hand-and-a-half or bastard sword depending on who’s talking and how they define the terms, as taxology was a somewhat less precise thing in the past). Spears, while very good, are aesthetically very blah. Your big choice is one- or two-handed, which is the true orientation that I care about. It’s always frustrating to be interested in dating someone just to find out that they use rapiers. A true shame. Finding a weapon that you both like aesthetically and feel comfortable using is key to having a good time.

My own personal steel sparing sword (always use proper safety gear), the Meliador model.

In the end, what’s important is to not just crush your enemies, but have a good time doing it! And, to that end, remember to always team up with your friends before launching wars of conquest to take over the dorm next to yours. Even if you conquer the whole campus, ye need someone to share it with.

If you are interested in German style fencing, I would look into any local HEMA clubs in your area. Remember to always have proper safety gear and have fun!

Anna Burns is a graduate student in psychology at Alabama A&M University. Her clinical interest lies in sex & gender. She also likes otters, reading, talking about psychology, and has more knowledge of Star Trek than may, strictly speaking, be wise.